Jokes
Category: Aviation jokes"I've never flown before, said the
nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't
you?
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left
anyone up there yet!"modify jokevote: 0.25
Category: Aviation jokesAfter an overnight flight to meet my father
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main
Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all
under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief,
''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children
and this luggage
belong to you?''
''Yes, sir,'' my
mother said with a sigh, ''they're all
mine.''
The
customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?''
''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I
would have used them by now.''modify jokevote: 4.20
Category: Aviation jokesOnce as Laloo was coming out of airport,
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, "Wait Please."
To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.modify jokevote: 6.91
Category: Aviation jokesStewardess"
"Yes, Sir?" "I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the same seat, I
can't see the in-flight movie and there are
no windows blinds so I
can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the
plane."modify jokevote: 3.46
Category: Aviation jokesA woman called and said, "I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to
fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever."modify jokevote: 6.79
Category: Aviation jokesA small twin-prop
commuter plane was
hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who
vowed to kill one
of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions.
There were
two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast
geneticist.
The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they
shouldn't
be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1
minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are
model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and
finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the
hijacker in
tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist
who said,
"let me explain to you why yeast genetics is an important
discipline..." but he was interrupted by the microbiologist who
exclaimed "Shoot
me! Shoot me!"modify jokevote: 6.83
Category: Aviation jokesA husband suspects his wife is having an
affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the
husband
just knew when his wife said:
"Honey, I've told you
once, I've told you twice, I've told you
niner thousand times,
negative on the affair ..."modify jokevote: 2.46
Category: Aviation jokesATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?
"
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument
Rating."
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."modify jokevote: 5.16
Category: Aviation jokesOn a flight
with EasyJet back in 1997 the
pilot made what can only be describes as
an extremely heavy landing
at Luton. It was very early in the morning
and a number of
passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart
from the noise, a number
of overhead lockers dropped open and several
items of carry-on
luggage were launched down the aisle.
After slowing up, the aircraft
turned off the runway and turned towards
the stand and over the PA
came "Good morning ladies gentlemen, this is
Captain Smith, welcome
to Luton...and if any of you were asleep...I bet
you're not
now!"modify jokevote: 4.44
Category: Aviation jokes"Flight 1234, are you
ready to copy
holding instructions?"
"Center, make that request on the next
frequency...."modify jokevote: 5.69