Jokes
Category: Doctor and nurse jokes"Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the
doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband's mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do
you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to
get the cat out first!"modify jokevote: 0.44
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesDoctor: "Good news you passed your
hearing test!"
Patient: "HUH"modify jokevote: 0.39
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesJack: "My brother was sick and
went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No,
he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well,
the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter
what
happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew
out of
the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"
Jack: "He fell out
of the window trying to follow the
prescription."modify jokevote: 7.16
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesThe patient: Tell me, is it true that
alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is
true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes,
that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.modify jokevote: 5.15
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesWhen a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the
driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed
in and
pushed her back.
"Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've
taken a course in first aid."
The woman watched him for a few
minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
"Pardon me," she said. "But when you
get to the part about calling a
doctor, I'm right here."modify jokevote: 6.20
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesA nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effects of
the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made
her
comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who
asked,
"How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One
of the friends said, "We know that, but how is she
healthwise?"modify jokevote: 8.61
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesDoctor, Doctor, my little brother
thinks he's a computer.
Well bring him in so I can cure him.
I
can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.modify jokevote: 5.63
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesDoctor, doctor, can I have a bottle
of aspirin and
a pot of glue?
Why?
Because I've been at my
computer all day and I've got a splitting
headache!modify jokevote: 9.84
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesThe patient shook his doctor's hand
in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would
not
want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you
to know
that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very
kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then
added, "May I
see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a
little
change..."modify jokevote: 4.53
Category: Doctor and nurse jokesDid you hear about the two
podiatrists who
opened their offices on the same street?
They were arch
enemies.modify jokevote: 4.27