Jokes
Category: Heaven and hell jokesWhat do you call the queue of Software
Engineers standing outside Heaven ?
The Y2K deadline !modify jokevote: 7.85
Category: Heaven and hell jokesSt. Peter and Satan were having an
argument one day about
baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on
neutral grounds between a
select team from the heavenly host and
his own hand-picked boys. "Very
well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that
we've got all the good players and
the best coaches." "I know, and
that's all right," Satan answered
unperturbed. "We've got all the
umpires."modify jokevote: 3.99
Category: Heaven and hell jokesA famous professor of surgery
died
and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the
gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the
professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of
Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community
Hospital,
and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee
did not se it
so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'
'Well,' said
the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may
enter.' 'Thank
you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor
ansvered. 'Im am not Saint
Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having
his lunchbreak. I am Saint
Lucas.'modify jokevote: 0.71
Category: Heaven and hell jokesAn angel in heaven was welcoming a new
arrival.
"How did you get here?" he asked.
And the new angel
replied, "Flu..."modify jokevote: 9.84
Category: Heaven and hell jokesHow do angels greet each other?
They say, Halo.modify jokevote: 6.17
Category: Heaven and hell jokesWhy did the angel lose her job?
She had harp failure.modify jokevote: 7.01
Category: Heaven and hell jokesJay:
Does the Bible say that if
you smoke you can't get to
heaven?
Ted: No, but the more you smoke
the quicker you'll get there.modify jokevote: 9.62
Category: Heaven and hell jokesA cattleman from West
Texas died &
went on to the Great
Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he
noticed that the
terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to
the gate
keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like
Texas."
"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint Peter
and
second, you really don't know where you are at all, do you
?"modify jokevote: 0.38
Category: Heaven and hell jokesQ. Why do only 10% of men make it to
heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.modify jokevote: 0.75
Category: Heaven and hell jokesA doctor, an engineer, and a
fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd
healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was
a sinner and was sent
to Hell.
The engineer told how he'd built homes for the
homeless, etc.; but he
messed up the environment, so he was sent to
Hell.
The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as
he
mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru
Hell,
Welcome to Heaven."modify jokevote: 4.46